Thursday, March 02, 2006

The almost-triumph of my won't

It was time to write chapter 10 of DR. ETERNITY, and I had to do it because the month of March is filled with activities that do not have anything to do with allowing me to get my manuscript written. Thus, I knew I had to stick to this strict schedule I have laid out. I got out of bed, did some yoga, did the breakfast thing, got ready for the day, then hopped onto the computer. My notes were positioned next to me, my fingers ready to type.

Then I went onto

Procrastination, thou art my friend and foe. Soon, I was berating myself for wasting time. But, hey, what if I could take the day off and write this chapter later?

I darted to my calendar and checked the feasibility of this lovely plan and...nope. No time to spare.

But...but...I didn't feel like writing! How could I possibly produce anything in this lazy-butt, I'm-not-in-a-creative-space mood???

"Just do it," I told myself, summoning my inner Nike goddess. "Just floggin' DO IT."

Grudgingly, I got up from the floor where I had been drama queening and arranged myself for serious work. Then, after a few more whiny moments, I just did it. Twenty-three pages later, I felt great. Not just good, but post-marathon-runner, endorphin-flooded great. How could I have ever fought myself on writing? I thought. Why had it been so hard to get started?

I wish I wouldn't forget how wonderful it feels to fit in a good day's work. I wish the fear of not being able to write (because that's where my procrastination comes from--I have no doubt about it) didn't get to me sometimes. It's such a silly emotion, fear. At least when it comes to writing. Why in the world would I not be able to create another scene in my vampire world?

Fear. When it's in a scary movie, it's good. But what is the use of it otherwise?

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